My son played 3 quarters of a basketball game yesterday, didn't score a single basket, and I'm actually pretty happy about it. Here's why.
Maddux is a really good athlete and so far all sports have come very easily for him. As a parent, it's a blast watching him have success playing baseball, soccer, basketball, flag football, lacrosse, and golf, and there haven't been too many times in his life where he didn't "have a good game."
But as person who has dedicated his entire life to playing sports and coaching kids, I know for an absolute certainty that sooner or later he is going to face a lot of adversity in sports, and I'm really really really glad that it's starting to happen to him because the struggle will only make him a better athlete, and person!
In basketball, I think he's scored at least one basket in every single game he's ever played in his entire life...until yesterday.
Our team played hard and it was a great game; we ended up losing by 1 when the other team made a free throw with zero seconds left in the game. A real nail biter and fun to watch!
When we got in the car to go home I could tell he was a little bummed, which is totally normal after playing hard for an hour and coming up a 1 point short at the end. As is our family rule, I didn't say a single word to him about any of the game; if he wanted to talk about it, I was going to let him start the conversation.
After a few minutes he says, "Hey, Daddy, I didn't even score 1 basket today."
"Yeah, buddy, I know. That happens. But did you play your hardest?"
"Well, I dove for like 4 loose balls."
"I saw that - loved the hustle! Did you do anything else to help your team today?
"I think I got like 3 or 4 rebounds."
"Yup, great. Were you a good teammate?"
"Yeah I think so. I was really excited when my buddies scored and when Wyatt got tripped and fell, I went over and helped him up."
"Awesome, dude. Then I think you had a great game. You're not going to score in every basketball game, just like you won't score in soccer, lacrosse, or football game, and you're not going to get a hit every baseball game. But as long as you played really hard (and had fun) and found some way to help your team, then in my book, you had a good game."
That's an exact quote of our conversation, and I hope that my message sinks in with him.
Team sports are exactly that; they are about THE TEAM.
And youth sports, in particular, is about so much more than stats or winning.
I know as a parent how much joy we all get from watching our kids score goals and get hits and make assists, but the reality is that's far from the most important about playing sports. Getting "stats" simply does not happen every game, which is why it's so important that we have consistent messaging to our kids, regardless of wins and losses and regardless of their personal stats after any given game:
- Effort matters more than results.
- Being a good teammate matters more than personal stats.
- Finding a way to help the team someway in every game is the whole point of being on a team.
- Winning is a byproduct of the above.
The best coaches in the world know this to be true and only recruit players who check all those boxes, and in this day and age, I think college coaches are often the best messengers of this. One of my favorite coaches to listen to talk is Geno Auriemma. He's been the Head Coach of the UCONN Women's Basketball Team since 1985, has won 11 National Titles, 2 Olympic Gold Medals, and the Naismith Coach of the Year Award 8 times. There is no more "successful" coach in sports right now. Listen to his philosophy of recruiting...
Click this link to watch a short video of Geno's thoughts on recruiting if it doesn't load below: Insight for high school players from one of the greatest college coaches and winners of all time. #mindset #successdiaries… | Instagram
Does it make sense now why I'm glad Maddux didn't score yesterday and that he was then forced to look at the other things he did to help the team?
If in 10 years he's the most talented athlete within 100 miles (he won't be, but let's say for argument's sake that he will be), but he's a selfish player, he's a bad teammate, he lacks effort and hustle, and only has a good attitude when things are going his way), he's going to lose his spot on a team to a player who does possess those traits.
Alternative future: if in 10 years he's not playing organized sports anymore (the most likely scenario), but through youth sports he learned to be an unselfish player, learned how to be a great teammate, learned how to hustle and work hard and battle through adversity, he's going to be a successful PERSON. He'll be a good employee. He'll be a good boss. He'll be a good husband. He'll be a good father.
As a parent, if you're encouraging your child to improve his skills and enjoy sports while also putting him around coaches who know the correct way to raise quality human beings, then you can't lose!
He'll either be a great athlete with a bright future or he'll be a great human being with a bright future. Win/Win outcome!
So as more and more programs in youth sports continue to put more and more emphasis on all the wrong things (club tournament rankings, Perfect Game scouting reports, exit velo metrics, etc...all of which are all totally meaningless anyway if you actually listen to the coaches like Geno who are making the recruiting decisions and creating a winning culture at the highest levels of American sports), I think it's more and more important for parents and coaches to focus on the real value in playing youth sports and make sure that we're developing well-rounded young men who are players and teammates of high quality, but more importantly also people of high character.
Play Hard, Have Fun!